My name is Tracey and my heartbreak began on Tuesday 18th June 2013. Having been turned away from my GP numerous of times due to my obesity, and then one final time on the 17th June, with the promise of a scan as he felt there was a fibroid or a cyst growing.
On the morning of the 18th June, my first contraction hit. It was 6 am and it threw me out of bed. I’d been poorly for about a week or so. And I put it down to the bug I’d had.
I waited until about 11am and I rung the Drs. He wouldn’t see me. He’d only seen me the day before. They told me to go to the hospital if I was that concerned. So I did. I arrived in A&E at approximately 12 o clock. By 2pm I’d found out I was pregnant. Full term and in labour.
My waters broke whilst I was being scanned..... then they went to put the Doppler on me. Silence. So they scanned me again, but a proper “big” scan. Three consultants took it in turns to scan me then they huddled together in a corner whispering. I actually thought they were drawing short straws to be honest. The designated “news breaker” came and his words were “I’m sorry Mrs Meadowcroft. There doesn’t seem to be any movement in the heart chamber. I’m afraid your baby has died.”
So, to summarise. At 6am I had bad stomach cramps because of the bug I’d had. By 4pm I was dreading the rest of my life and praying for death rather than having to give birth to my dead baby. A baby I was told I’d never have at 16. A baby that had been passed off as obesity for the last six months. Anyhow. They wheeled me up to the delivery suite.
I had my own room and dedicated midwives. I can remember Becki, Jackie and Ali. I’m sure there was a Lesley. It’s a bit of a blur. Tim (my husband) stayed with me all night. We were numb. In shock. We chose names. We were sadly excited about the prospect of having a baby but devastated and nervous about what was coming.
There was nothing but love in that room. We wanted our baby to come out wrapped in love.
I had to have help during the delivery. They had to go in to get baby out. Baby was stuck, had severe shoulder distocia, and had to endure broken bones to be able to be pulled out. A shout across the delivery suite changed our lives forever. “It’s a girl” Rosie Jay Meadowcroft arrived into our world at 12:58 Pm on Wednesday 19th June weighing a whopping 9lb 12 1/2 oz.
Absolute perfection. Daddy’s double. So quiet and still but warm. The absolute centre of our universe. We had 24 hours with her. The support from the midwives was amazing. Then they took her.
We were discharged and the support stayed with us right up until we stepped out of the door. Then we fell into the black hole.
This is where Charlie’s Angel Centre has identified that void and is working tirelessly to fill that black hole in, so no more mums and dads, like my husband and myself, fall victim to it and feel they have to suffer and cope in silence. I will do whatever I can to help and support Charlie’s Angel Centre. I’m grateful that I am able to help in any way I can.